Keep Your Partner SATISFIED!!

People!! Why is there a major lack of communication between the sexes. Stop ruining things for the good ones out there. My friends are always saying things like "Men just don't care and don't communicate well", "Women talk too much and are emotional wrecks" All valid points to an extent. I think it lies a lot deeper than that.There's a big miscommunication between the sexes that makes us lust and loathe the opposite sex at the sme time. With shows like Sex and the city and movies like Two can play that game, you think we would be smart enough to understand what the opposite sex needs. Although I believe we will never truly understand it, we can try to modify our thinking in order to bring out the best in our relationships. If you havent read He-Motions by T.D. Jakes, you must go out and get it. He offers much insight into the way a man thinks and how women struggle to understand them.

The biggest complaint my girlfriends have about men is that men just don't listen. Ladies, when you talk to a man about your issues, it isn't that he's not sympathetic or doesnt care, but more so that they don't always understand women and our views. There's nothing wrong with that. Women are complicated and see things in varying shades and degrees. With us, there are pinks, blues, reds, etc. A man sees things simply... black, white and grey. They have a tendency to be confused by women and our need for talking. If he offers a solution, we don't like it, or if he offers no solution or suggestion, either way, he has fucked up. Either we reject his answer as ignorant or uncaring and get mad or see no response as meaning he is heartless and being a jerk and get mad.

Come on ladies, it's a catch 22 for these dudes...give them a fucking break. Whatever they do, they live in fear of getting us mad, they get frustrated and stop trying to please us... and we dont want that! Men are agitated by anger from a woman, especially if he doesn't know or understand why, or that he has contributed to our anger simply by complying with our request. Let him know you are talking to him not to blame him for your problems or even trying to get a solution, but just that you need to talk to someone. If you ask for his advice, accept it, LISTEN, aknowledge it and give him credit for trying. Let him know you appreciate his input. It doesn't mean you have to take his advice. Don't tell him he "just doesn't understand" if you don't like the answer, you'll push him away. Always consider too, the best time to discuss things is NOT when he just walks in the door. And guys, don't attribute bad moods or anger to PMS. MAJOR FUCK UP-TRUST! The correct answer to "am I getting fat?" is NO BABY! LOL

MEN TAKE NOTES: Women are motivated when they feel special or cherished. Women need to receive caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, and reassurance. We need to be treasured. (So do men!) We value love, communication, beauty and relationships. A woman's sense of self is defined through her feelings and the quality of her relationships. We spend much time supporting, nurturing and helping each other. We experience fulfillment through sharing and relating. Personal expression, in clothes and feelings, is very important to us. Communication is also important. Talking, sharing and relating is how a woman feels good about herself. For women, offering help is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength; it is a sign of caring to give support. Women are very concerned about issues relating to physical attractiveness; changes in this area can be as difficult for a woman as changes in a man's financial status. When men are preoccupied with work or money, women interpret it as rejection.

Now in speaking with with many of my male friends, the most common complaint they seem to have about women is that women are always trying to change them. Fair argument, because ladies.. you cant meet a man at a club then months later (when your feelings get involved)expect him to stop going out all of sudden. You met him there and its only fair that the decision for him to give up his partying ways must come soley from him. This "need" that many women have to "mold" him into something confuses men. This "need" is why we have furniture to move around and make up and hairstyles to change--drain your "needy" energy on these. When a woman loves a man she feels responsible to assist him in growing and tries to help him improve the way he does things. He's a MAN, he does things a man's way. She thinks she is helping or nurturing him, while he feels he's being controlled, smothered, manipulated and unaccepted. He'll dig his feet in and refuse to change in any way. Even if your way is better (which most of the time it is LOL), let HIM figure that out himself. Wait for him to ask. Men take a great deal of pride in doing for themselves. If he was good enough to date, you fell in love with him the way he is, why in the world would you WANT to change him? He's not broken, so don't fix him. (Now ladies, if he was broken when you got him and figured you can fix him, then you're a fool for thinking he would become this prize... a broken man must fix himself.) If he asks, he wants to do something to make a change, he wants a woman's acceptance. If he ASKS you directly how to change or improve, suggest it to him in a loving, caring way. Don't belittle him, put him down, or demand. All you accomplish there is minimizing his desire to grow or change. Men need to feel in control, so let him HAVE the remote!

WOMEN TAKE NOTES: A man's sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results, through success and accomplishment, by achieving goals and proving his competence. To feel good about himself, men must achieve goals by themselves. For men, doing things by themselves is a symbol of efficiency, power and competence. In general, men are more interested in objects and things rather than people and feelings. Men rarely talk about their problems unless they are seeking "expert" advice; asking for help when you can do something yourself is a sign of weakness. They are more aggressive than women; more combative and territorial. Men's self esteem is more career-related. Men feel devastated by failure and financial setbacks; they tend to obsess about money much more than women. They hate to ask for information because it makes them feel as though they are a failure. Men need to recieve trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval and encouragement. Men are motivated when they feel needed. A man's deepest fear is that he is not good enough or not competent enough, he cannot provide or is in some other way not as good as he would like to be, though he may never express this. For a man not to feel needed, loved, and admired is a slow death for a man.

So Ladies, try your best to make a man feel like a man. Give him the respect he deserves, if in fact he is a good man. Ladies always remember that you have a great deal of power in a relationship but never let your mate feel inferior. If you want to stay on your A game follow this: Cater to your man EMOTIONALLY--ladies your man may never tell you when something is going wrong but if you know him well then you can tell but dont try to find a solution nor coax it out of him. it must come from within- just be there with undivided attention when he does open up.

Cater to your man PHYSICALLY--Ladies you know what I mean by this. Stop the "I'm tired " or I have a headache" routine. Your man is gonna find someone who just took a tylenol and is ready and willing to please him. Not only do you give it to him on a regular basis but think of clever ways to give it to him. Men grow very tired of missionary quickily, in fact most men dont even bother with it. Please keep your sex life spicy. Go to the village and pick up some sex toys, lotions, beads, chains, whips whatever youre into LOL. (Pink Pussy Cat novelty store-my lil' suggestion LOL). Dont be afraid to try new things. I cant stand it when women are like " I dont do that"... WTF? If its your man why the fuck not?? But see, these are the same women whose husbands are texting the next chick in front of them while she's steady talking 'bout "I dont do this & I dont do that", work on your gag reflex and take a stripper class or something LOL. I mean the point is keep your man satistfied in the bedrroom so that he wont have to wander.Oh and keep your appearance up ladies! Don't get tooooo comfortable. Its just plain lazy! Get a gym pass, work out a few times a month at least. Continue to buy the same kind of clothes he first fell in love with you in and lose the sweats for bed. Get a Victoria Secret card and max it out. Leave the bloomers with your momma and wear only thongs. Call him up during work, say the freakiest things and hang up. Let him keep guessing what color you're wearing today and when he's racing home to you after work... meet him at the door with nothing on but pumps!! Tear him up!! LOL.

Next Ladies, you must cater to your man MENTALLY--No good man wants a dumb chick. OK OK, there will always be men like Koby that will marry you just cuz you look good but obviously good looks don't take you that far cuz while she was sitting in front of the mirror he was busy bangin that white chick out. If thats what you want, go ahead and sit pretty baby girl. But for the rest of you... please pick up a book, enlighten yourselves. Go back to college, work on that degree. If college isnt your thing then pick up the dictionary and an encyclopedia and educate yourself. Men love sexy women with a brain and goals. It sets you apart from all these birds in short skirts and low tops flying into windows.

Ladies lastly and by far not least, you must cater to your man financially--yes even FINANCIALLY! Although a man feels he must be the bread winner, if you can hold your own and let him know that youve got his back, it makes you that much more sexier. Nothing like a power couple. Ladies please dont sit there saying you'll only date a man that has an A-P-T, a J-O-B, or a C-A-R when you don't even have a G-E-D. Ladies when you get the things you need and most of what you want on your own, then your demands for what a man must have changes and that my friend, is a sign of maturity. So hold your own and stop depending on these men to pay your bills and buy you shit.

Take into consideration some of the things I've suggested. Let me know if they work for you or if I'm way off. Or if you have suggestions of your own that I may want to incorporate in my quest to understanding the opposite sex and keeping them satisfied! Your opinions are much appreciated. Oh and don't worry, the next blog will focus on men!
Oh and if you managed to read this blog in its entirety---THANKS!!