All About Sulylicous...

Some say I'm a sweetheart while others may say I'm a bitch. Yes this can be true, but who really knows the real me? You see, I work hard for what I have. No I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth, far from it, but I was raised in a way where I had to earn anything I wanted. I don't have time to entertain those that settle for mediocrity. I work hard for everything I have so I get upset when I see lazy able bodied adults sitting on their asses collecting a check. Don't get me wrong... I know everyone needs help from time to time but I hate it when people turn welfare/section 8 into a damn career. So if you see me as the type that looks down on people or even try to degrade anyone that is not at my social economical level, that's bullshit, I just don't have patience for people with EXCUSES!

My life is not perfect, but who's really is? YES, I have bills up my ASS, I have family problems, and I even have ISSUES WITH MY SELF. But I live life to the fullest, like I'm the richest person in the world. You know why, because when I'm old I'll have so many effing stories to tell and have NO REGRETS. And when I die, I know none of the material stuff comes with me anyway, however, I will have had the satisfaction of living a good life.

My love is intense and tough and not too many people can handle it. But you see, the world is tough, and not too many people can handle that either. But what they don't understand is that we all face the same issues one way or the other. We must hurdle over these barriers in order to get to the next level in life. If not, we'll be stuck in the same place for the rest of our lives. And I don't know about you, but I need change, I must evolve in life. And if that means I have to sacrifice certain things in my life, I'm gonna do it. Yes, I get scared. I'll have insecurities if I will be successful in whatever changes I need make in my life, however, if that is what it takes to get me over whatever barrier I'm facing, than I will make that sacrifice.

You see we get COMFORTABLE in our surroundings and change becomes the ENEMY!! We want a better life, we're not HAPPY but CHANGE is the enemy!! FEAR takes over our mental state of mind and that's when all the excuses begin. Don't get me wrong, I'm speaking from experience. I've been there. I know what it feels like, but eventually we all need to make a change for the better of our lives. And no one is going to just hand it to us or give us the right answer, they can only advise. We control our destiny, and if we make the wrong decision, which I have done plenty of times, we just pick ourselves back up, dust the dirt off our shoulders and move on. Life is full of lessons and we must MOVE ON! Yes we will feel sad, disappointed, discouraged, and even pissed off at our decisions in life. But these are just feelings for the moment. Everything happens for a reason and the events of our lives are just a catalyst for what's in store for our future.

Always remember there will always be people in this world worse off than us. So don't shit on me because of where I'm at in my life. Just look at it as me being ahead of my race and keep in mind there is always someone ahead of me.

I'm an ambitious and enthusiastic person. I love to use these qualities to motivate and encourage others that are in my life. When you meet me I can come off as shy and quiet. But once I'm comfortable, I'm loud and silly. However, if you cross me I can be your worse enemy. I'm very down to earth and I get along with almost anyone. I'm independent and responsible but don't boast about it every chance I get. Everyone defines independence their own way. I'm very goal oriented and secure about myself. I'm a BIG DREAMER and hustler. Always working on making my dreams come true. Never settle till I feel complete. I'm easy-going and fun-loving. I love to have FUN but I also enjoy staying home and being a geek... I could watch National Geographic all day. I hate when things become mundane and always up for a good party. Definitely down for a trip out of town. I love going places I have never been before. I don't care if I'm somewhere for one day just two hours away, I just love the fact that I can say I've been there. Family and friends are highly important in my life. I can be very girly, but I'm never too shy to bum it out in a t-shirt, sweats, no make-up and my hair a mess. I'm a big believer in loving yourself. Having high self-esteem is very important because though we have failings and weaknesses, we must always keep a positive attitude, believe that the next day will always be better, and consistently live our lives to the fullest no matter what barriers we face day by day.

WHO ID LIKE TO MEET?
I like to meet anyone who motivates and encourages me to be a better person, physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Physically, is anyone that can motivate me to better in the physical things of life. Active people that can keep me from being lazy, healthy people that can keep me from getting fat, and freaky people that can enhance my sex life... teach me something I don't already know LMAO!!
Mentally, is people who know what their priorities are and have goals that they are trying to achieve in their lives. Never making any excuses. Never settling. They can keep my mental state of mind on the right track of life. People who are responsible for their actions and don't live with regrets, just lessons learned. I love people who know when it's the right time to take action and when to be laid back. I also like to meet successful and positive people because they can only influence me to move forward in my life and not back. I HATE NEGATIVE PEOPLE!!
Emotionally, is anyone who can motivate me to be a better daughter, sister, friend, lover, and someday a mother. We're not perfect people, that's why we need each other in our lives to influence us in areas that we are weak in. What doesn't kill us can only make us STRONGER.

WHY AM I SINGLE??
Well, I want to find myself a man that can add to what I have, not take away. I feel men I meet are intimidated by me because I have an education, a career and I do for myself. I'm not a needy woman, so they don't know what they can offer me. Well, what I want is balance, nothing more, nothing less. I think it's more fulfilling for a man and a woman to WANT each other rather than NEED each other.

I want to find someone that can satisfy me mentally, physically and emotionally. I find that some men can't carry conversation well which is why they don't like to go out on dates... Not good for my mental satisfaction. I also find most men very selfish and forget that physical gestures (not just sex) like a hug, hand holding, and a simple kiss on the neck is very important in satisfying a woman physically. I also find that men don't understand how to satisfy a woman emotionally by simply communicating how he feels and what I mean to him. YES WOMEN ARE EMOTIONAL however, a man's actions toward us determines how emotionally attached a women can get.

I want to give myself to a man that's not afraid to give himself to me. Again BALANCE... I will only give what I feel I receive. I sometimes feel I'm cold, distant, and incapable of true love because I'm afraid of giving too much. But than I feel that it's just because I haven't met a man that can bring out 100% from me.
So, until I can find what can satisfy me I'm just staying single and enjoying what life has to offer cause it's better to be by myself then with some broke ass, irresponsible mama's boy that ain't got shit to offer me but drama!

YA HEARD!!!!

Friends Come and Go...

Friends come and go, that's life!

Some people tell me I am too friendly, too trusting, and too caring. They say I shouldn't trust people because you never know what their intensions are. But I disagree. Life is full of lessons and these lessons are learned from people that come in and out of our lives. The people that have come into my life yesterday, today, and tomorrow only make me a better person, even if they have made a negative or positive impact in my life. Yes I have been hurt, let down, and lied too. People have made me cry and those same people had once put a smile on my face. I just can't let old friends keep me from making new friends. Nor let them get the best of me.

Why?

"People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know whatto do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then,without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.!

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant."

So thank you for being a part of my life, whether you are a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Dear Suly,

Dear Me,

Hey Sweetie, just in case you're feelin' someone… It's ok to like and show interest towards someone you believe may be special, but here's just a few little known facts to keep in perspective. Read up!!! You know YOU Gotta look out for YOURSELF…
PLEASE Honey, DON'T chase after ANY guy unnecessarily… If a man really wants you, nothing can keep him away! If he doesn't want you, guess what, nothing can make him stay!

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior!

Allow your intuition (YOUR GUT! --- If something in the pit of your stomach says, "something ain't right" guess what honey, it probably isn't) to save you from heartache. (Girl… save yourself the headache!!!)

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't
mistreat another friend.

Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is YOU.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, "Why would he treat you any differently"?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel like he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or a better career.

Do not make him into a quasi-god!!! He is just a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man. Oh Lord! If he cheated WITH you, he will cheat ON you!!

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. ALL men are not dogs.

You should not be the one doing ALL the bending...compromise is a two-way street baby.

You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with any unresolved issues you may have before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun! Remember that...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes...when he always knows where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he may take it for granted. NEVER accessible!

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others too.

Now keep these things in perspective baby, and you'll be just fine. The next time you have a drink with the girls make a toast to this:
Here's to the guys that love me, the losers that lost me and the lucky bastards who get to meet me!


Loving you always,

Me

When The Last Teardrop Falls...

Why do we have to cry...
when love is taken away from us??Why does it have to hurt...
when we let go of someone we love??

In a treasured relationship, the hardest thing to do is say goodbye and setting someone free. For in every last embrace... a part of us dies. Every tear drop that falls, washes away our hopes... then we are left with nothing... but PAIN & BITTER memories because we've lost love... but never understand how & will probably never know WHY?? We try to get away but every move we make somehow has its way of reminding us of the PAST all over again. Every turn of our head & every blink of an eye reminds us of LOVE LOST in eternity & it makes us wonder how one person can make us feel so empty, so alone, so dessolate.
Every song no matter how beautiful it is, will have to end on its last note. Like every day has its night, all that has started will have to end on its own time. It is an inevitabililty that we cannot restrain, something that we cannot control & just a fact that we have to accept & learn to live with.

Let us remember that our lives dont have to end where our heartaches begin. Somewhere, someone will come along & sing us their song of love. Someday, someone will fill our lives with joy & hapiness. Somehow, we will find love again & it will wipe away our tears & bring us the promise of a new life a new hope & a beautiful begining :)

Just Plain Tired...

Im so tired of Fake ass people in my life!!
Im tired of over extending myself.
Im tired of always being the one to call and stay in contact with friends & family.
Im tired of being too nice to my friends.
Im tired of always being the dependable one.
Im tired of people and their Ommisions~as if thats not lying!
Im tired of not being able to trust certain people in my life like I want to.
Im tired of believing in people that have no worthy of my energy
Im tired of asking questions and getting answered with a question.
Im tired of people blaming their stupidty or regrets on alcohol.
Im tired of people complaining and not counting their blessings.
Im tired of people defining themselves by what they have or havent accomplished in life instead of who they are inside.
Im tired of people defining me by mistakes Ive made in the past.
Im tired of friends who would rather see themselves alone reach the top.
Im tired of they way families now-a-days treat each other.
Im tired of men sexploiting women in videos.
Im tired of women feeling like their worth is defined by their sexuality.
Im tired of friends doing things behind your back.
Im tired of people taking this Myspace thing too seriously.
Im tired of people begging to be on someone top list.
Im tired of kids growing up thinking that hanging out in front of the bldg is cool.
Im tired of gold digging women ruining it for the good ones out here.
Im tired of women fucking up a good man by their infidelities.
Im tired of phony people who have the world fooled by acting as if they really care about others.
Im tired of disrespectful teens who really just need a good ass whipping.
Im tired of conniving men.
Im tired of Judgmental people.
Im tired of being seen as wifey material by a dozen guys but not by the one that matters most.
Im tired of acting as if certain things don't matter when in fact its everything.
Im tired of Bush's poor excuses and his entire administration.
Im tired of people being given a short lease on life.
Im tired of the media always trying to make me feel like I should be on a diet, when I know my Puerto Rican curves look good!
Im sooo tired of the Bullshit!

In a Funk...

How do you express to someone what it is youre going through when you yourself cant figure it out. Have you ever been at a point in your life when you feel like youre making all the right moves and things seem to be going well, you know your priorities in life and youre sticking to it but yet and still you feel UNHAPPY. Is this what you call a "funk"?

I have a lot of friends and a few very close ones but its so hard to talk to anyone. I have always been internal. I deal with my problems myself without burdening anyone. I have been able to deal with things this way for as far back as I can remember. Some say I am a secretive person because of this but im not trying to be. I put on a mask like everything is all good that not even my closest friend would ever know what lies beneath. I laugh, I joke, I go out and have a good time but all in an attempt to mask the pain inside me. I am going through something right now that I cant explain and I dont want anyone to feel as though I am ignoring them or being secretive. I have my health, friends, a family that loves me and I'm on the right track in life but I am not Happy! Why? I cant figure it out, but I know that I will get through this. I go through this often... It helps you analyze your life and draw your own path... its gets better... but right now its easier said than done!

I didnt post this so that anyone can feel sorry or for anyone to begin to pry. I simply posted this in the hopes that if someone else is going through a "funk" in life, that they can feel secure in knowing that we all go through things in life and when we come out of it, we are stronger and wiser than we were yesterday. Time heals all wounds and thats all I need right now... time to get away and clear my head. Writing is my therapy and thats what I'll be doing for a while. Anyhow, thanks for reading.... I will be alright! TRUST!

Vern, My Dear Friend... You Will Be Missed!

It's about a quarter to 8 pm Friday night March 23rd, 2007. I'm driving to Yonkers with the Godkids and their mom. I get a call from my best friend Tray. I knew it was her because of her ringer. I couldn't get to the phone because it was buried underneath the kids coats. So I just let it go to voicemail. I figured I'll call her back when we got to our destination. About 10 Seconds later she calls my phone again. I'm still on the highway so I couldnt get to it but I figured maybe its something important cuz she doesnt usually call back to back like that. So as I'm driving with the left hand, I'm searching for the phone with my right. By the time I found my phone the call had ended. A few seconds after that my Godsister's phone started ringing. She's Tray's sister and Tray knew we were taking the kids to Pizza & Brew. Theresa answers the phone and says "Hey girl wassup, Suly couldnt answer the phone cuz she was driving." (Pause) "She's driving right now" (Pause) "Oh My God are you serious". This is what I'm heaing come out of Theresa'a mouth. She then tells me "Suly, I think you should pull over." I said "Theresa why? what happened?" She continues, "Suly just pull over when you get the chance". I had just reached my exit as she said that. So as I made that right on Jackson Avenue in Yonkers, I pulled over. Theresa passes me her bluetooth and I quickly asked Tracey to tell me what happened. Tray says " Suly I don't know how else to share this with you. Vern, was in an accident a little while ago and he didnt make it". I guess I really didnt process it the first time because my reaction was "huh, what are you talking about?" Tray then says "Suly, Vern is gone, he died in an accident today on the Bruckner, he on his bike and was trying to avoid an accident and swerved". It was slowly starting to sink in "are you serious Tray? I cant believe that, are you sure? Please tell me youre joking" Tray said "I wish I was Su, but he's gone" As she said those words the first teardrop fell. "I can't believe this Tray, we were such good friends and he just text me yesterday". I started to drive again although it was probably not the best idea cuz see, I was driving but my mind was not focused. I dont know exactly how I got to our destination but we did, it was like an out of body experience. I got to Pizza & Brew and still had Tray on the phone. She said "Su, if you need to talk, I'm here." I said "Thanks Tray" and proceeded to hang up the phone. "Are you ok?" Theresa asks. "I'm just in shock right now" I answered. Theresa asked "Do I know this guy?" I said "I'm not sure, I think I have his picture in my phone" I told her. As I went into my phone it was as if I saw a ghost. I saw the last conversation Vern and I will ever have. When I began to read it to myself, I began to cry. "I can't believe this was our last conversation."

March 22, 2007

Vern: Hey What's good this weekend. Where's the party at? Are we hitting the den up one more time for our old Friday usuals miss Missin In Action?
Suly: M.I.A. LOL! I'd love for us to all go back to The Den again. Reem would definitley go, he just sent me a comment about it earlier this week. Just lemme know if the crew wants to go back.
Vern: Aight. So what u and Tray doing this weekend?
Suly: Well I dunno about Tray but I have a date tomorrow night and I'm spending Saturday with someone special
Vern: He's a lucky dude. Is this the same dude you was telling me about?
Suly: Yeah, too bad he doesnt realize it.
Vern: Im sure he does, hes prob just frontin.
Suly: Whatever! He better realize it quick LOL
Vern: Dag just give the brotha a fair shot, remember good things come to those who wait.
Suly: Whateverrrrr! I aint a patient girl LOL
Vern: I aint mad at ya! LOL
Suly: Soooo I heard u a rough ryder now LOL
Vern: Yeah, yeah, u know how we do LOL so when we going for a ride?
Suly: Nah man you a newbie, I aint tryin to go riding with a newbie. U gotta have at least 5 years experience for me to get on LOL
Vern: Nah I aint a newcomer.
Suly: Yeah Yeah u just got your bike LOL
Vern: LOL Aiight, well holla at me if ya'll decide to go to the Den tommorrow.
Suly: Will do.

How was I supposed to know that this would be our last conversation. Dam Vern, Why'd you have to get that fucking bike!! I can't help but to feel as though if I wouldve made more of an effort to get everyone together for our Friday Happy hour that Vern wouldve had no business being in the Bronx that day and he would still be here with us. I know they say "when its someones time to go, theres nothing that can be done to change it" but, I still feel guilty. Ive been fortunate throughout my life to have never lost anyone close to me. I never understood what it felt like to lose a good friend. Its so painful to know that you can never have those good conversations with your buddy anymore. See, Vern and I were mad cool. He was like a brother. We use to talk about all sorts of things. However, I kept our friendship at a distance because Vern was married to a friend of mine. I never wanted her to feel threatened by our friendship. It was bad enough a mutual friend of ours put a buzz in her ear that she needs to watch me around her man. That really bothered me cuz I'm not that kind of girl. Ive just had to realize that sometimes people really have nothing better to do then start drama. If only she knew that I don't get down like that and that Vern & I were just cool peoples. Thing is, half the time he was just asking me for advice. Like for her birthday, he asked me whats a nice restaurant I think he should take his wife to. Thats how it was between us. He'd ask me things to get a females perspective and I'd ask him for the male perspective. Just good friends!
I will never forget my friend Vernon Kearse. He always wanted that bike... he got it... the hard way! He was a good guy who was sometimes misunderstood. So I'm gonna end this with his favorite quote...
"I may have done the things they say I did, but I'm not the person they say I am"

RIP Vernon Kearse
Sunrise: October 28, 1976
Sunset: March 23, 2007

You will be missed!